Chapter 23: Zagreb

Spent pretty much all day wandering around Zagreb, and really enjoyed it. Lots of statues, wide open areas (like parks and squares), and also some of the typical European buildings.. like your churches and theatres etc.

Also had the utter crap scared out of me in front of Lotrščak Tower. I didn't realise that at every day, at noon, they fire this cannon from the top of the tower. Its a real earth shattering kaboom, I was thinking a bomb had gone off or something.

It really is worth a visit here, and I'm not getting paid by the Zagreb tourist commission or anything.

Later that night, I went to "pick up" Dorotea at her hotel, The Regent Esplanade. When I arrived, she sent a text to come up to the room - just so she could show off the luxury accomodation. Talk about swish!

Went out for dinner at Boban's, which was good. Wasn't exactly a massive celebration, Dorotea was off the booze and I was feeling sick since breakfast (dodgy hotdog maybe). However, it was nice to spend my last night with my Croatian teacher. I couldn't think of anyone else more fitting. Without her, I probably wouldn't have been in Croatia, let alone Zagreb.

And with that, my trip was over! I'm about to go jump on a plane, and spend 30 odd hours doing a whole lot of nothing. Not looking forward to it, but what can you do?

See you soon, Australia.

Chapter 22: Dubrovnik

Well, I've made it to Croatia. I feel a bit more at home here than other places – for one thing there is no Cyrillic to confuse me, and its the country that I have the best chance of recognising words I know.

I'll start by stating the obvious: Dubrovnik is beautiful. I was very impressed. The only drawback is that because its so nice, you have to fight through 20 billion tourists. Busloads off people were getting dropped off all day long.

We also had the last night of the tour tonight, so we had our final “official” group dinner and said our goodbyes. Most of us are staying on in Dubrovnik for a little while though, so we'll no doubt bump into each other. By the power of the interwebs, I'm sure we can catch up with one another.

I promised Ethan I'd report back about the Croatian women anyway. Dorotea assures me they are better than Serbs, but there may be some bias there! So far I wouldn't have a clue, its too difficult to distinguish between locals and tourists.

Looking forward to sleep in tomorrow, then checking into some luxury accommodation (well, compared to what we've had so far anyway). Its at the other end of Dubrovnik, so that will be an interesting change of scenery. Place I'm in now is not bad though. Its literally metres from the Pile Gate, right near the old town.

I also stood out the front of the “Fuego” Latin club – aka Club Britt Lapthorne. I didn't realise it was so close to where we were staying. I don't know how anybody could go missing there, or at least not be seen. Its right in amongst where the hordes of tourists are. The real question though is why anyone would want to go there in the first place.

Dubrovnik: Day two

Checked into hotel, which was right near the bus stop from town thankfully. One of the locals told me that the 10 min trip to/from town would take over an hour in the peak season... nobody moves anywhere!

Its nothing super flash – and the “ocean view” from the balcony is a bit of a stretch (you can see smidges of blue water) but I'm not complaining. Plenty of beaches nearby, which I took a look at today.

The third one I went to was Cave Beach, which is about 150m from the hotel. It was small, but OK. As I walked around the rocks I saw a woman sun baking topless, which was no big deal. I mean its Europe, after all. I walked on a little bit further and OH MY GOD MY EYES! THE HUMANITY!

There was a crowd of old people, all walking around fully nude. I then noticed the spray paint on the rocks which said “FKK” - which was also pretty close to what I was thinking at the time – and remembered that in Croatian it designates nudist beaches. I'm fairly sure it translates to “Beware: you will see things you can't un-see.”

Met up with Nes and Sew for din dins back in the old town. I had yet more seafood, but its certainly the place to do it. Its all been great. We were also talking about how weird it is that we won't be bumping into our group around town anymore. You still kind of expect to see them somewhere.

Side note: came back to the hotel to see Ricky Gervais on the Conan Obrien show. His new movie looks absolutely hilarious. “The Invention Of Lying”. Not sure if its out (hell, I don't even know who is in the grand final) but go watch it if it is.

Dubrovnik: Day three

Was meant to be going on an all day cruise today – but I literally missed the boat. I was standing at the pier that I thought it was leaving from, when I saw a ship pull out from the other side. It was, of course, the one I was meant to be on. So I watched them sail off into the distance, along with my money.

I got a taxi over to the new port, hoping I might catch them there. Sadly, no luck. I even looked at getting a ride over to the first island the boat was stopping at (Korčula) but as it was Sunday, there wasn't a lot happening. Certainly none in the time frame I needed. So I was a little bit disappointed... in the same way the pope is a “little bit” Catholic.

I did go back to the old port, and go on one of those 45 minute glass bottom boat rides. I really only went around the town, and was a pale comparison to what I should have been doing... but better than nothing. I guess it means I will have to come back one day, and maybe see the other islands too. Who's with me?

Off to see the sights and delights of Zagreb next, which is my final destination (hopefully not like the movies). Looking forward to catching up with Dorotea there, so much so that I don't even care that's its my shout for dinner. Gasp! Will not only be my last night in Croatia, but the last night of my holidays... so celebrations are in order!

Chapter 21: Kotor

This will be short and sweet. Kotor was nice, but I don't have a massive amount to say about it. We really only had the one day there, and I think that was probably enough. Not to mention I'm also getting lazy, and can't be bothered writing blogs!

So what is there to say? Hmm... it seemed a little less touristy than Budva, and it also had that lake smell. Vaguely like Lake Illawarra.

In the morning, some of the group went kayaking, and the rest (me) hiked up the 1,355 steps (no, thats not a typo) to the fortress on the hill. Once again, views made it worth while. However, the view was better at about 75% up than at the top, which was a little bit of a kick to the pants.

Bummed around old town for a while... went to the markets... had seafood for dinner. Didn't do anything else too exciting really!

Just

need

to

put

in

filler

otherwise

photos

tend

to

go

a

bit

mental.

That

should

be

enough.

Chapter 20: Budva

I think Budva pretty much halved our group down the middle, in terms of those who liked it, and those who thought it was cheap and tacky. I'm somewhere in between. I liked the old town, and the views from our little boat trip were great. Admittedly, the boat did stop for lunch in a nicer town than Budva, but what can you do.

It did have a lot of the usual tourist traps, but the beach lifestyle reminded me a little of Ohrid. I still prefer the good old sand between your toes though, rather than pebbles... or lowering yourself in off a rock for that matter. The water was once again quite clear, but Tadas tells us Dubrovnik is even better. Least it wasn't all that cold.

What else to say? We bummed around town, swam at the beach, had a boat ride, drank cocktails (which sadly didn't have manly umbrellas)... um... yeah, that's Budva.

Chapter 19: Ostrog monastery (aka Party Central)

Well, I can now say that I have spent my birthday inside a monastery. Not many people would have that claim to fame... except monks, I guess.

The day started at about 4:45 am, as the first birthday text messages started to come through. I was then up and leaving Sarajevo around 6 am. The bus ride to Ostrog was meant to take about 6 hours, and when we first got on the bus it looked fairly full. We had seats reserved though, which a bunch of old people had kindly decided to keep warm for us.

There wasn't much English going on, so I did my best to say sorry, but seats 9 -19 were reserved. I'm not sure if it made sense, maybe Pete or Dorotea can grade me.

“Žao mi je. Sjedalo devet – devetnaest. Reservacija!"

The response I got was all over the shop, I had no idea what they were talking about. I just know they didn't want to move, and didn't comprehend the reservation system (or didn't care). Anyway, I finally kicked them out and we got seats.

Got to Ostrog, and dropped off our stuff in the tiny little rooms (making sure boys and girls were kept seperate). Ethan was also in hitting distance of my bed, so every time I snored I was going to cop it. So much for birthday priviledges! There was also no hot water, and only a tiny little trough like construction for showers. Oh well, its not like we are going to be doing anything to work up a sweat...

So - we hike up a mountain to the upper monastery. The priest there let us into the smaller chamber of St Basil. He's basically a little dead guy, with tiny shrivelled up hand. Just by walking in there, we supposedly get his blessing. The locals were kissing lots of various objects, and leaving their donations. I found it interesting that they also leave by walking backwards, there is no turning around.

As we went back down the mountain, the guys had a little birthday moment for me. I got a card, some booze, and also some rather interesting cake. We made our way to the closest restaurant within walking distance for dinner, and had a few drinks there. I shared around the grog, and the waitress was very good with providing shot glasses (and cake) for everyone. She got a tip for her trouble, and we went back for breakfast the next morning.

After that, there was a bit of stumbling back to the monastery – to make sure we were in bed by 10 (or we get locked out). By this stage, in a decision probably fuelled by alcohol, a few of us had decided we were going to sleep at the upper monastery instead. Out under the stars, on little mattreses with blankies...

But there were no taxis, and I'm not hiking up there twice. Its my birthday, dammit.

Chapter 18: Mostar

Technically, this was a day trip out of Sarajevo, but I felt it deserved its own category.

Mostar (or “keeper of the bridge”, if you will) was kinda cool for a number of reasons. The first and most obvious one is the Mostar bridge. Depending on who you ask, its about 30m high, and locals jump off it if they get paid enough Euro. They then plummet into 2m deep, icy cold water.

Tourists used to be able to do it, but too many ended up with broken wrists or legs etc. After watching these guys, there is no way in hell I'd attempt it. They have to land a certain way, and have their arms in particular positions – the last being to protect their marsupials just before they hit the water. Sadly I missed them mid jump, and only got the before and after shots. I'll probably just annoy someone for a copy of theirs.

Back to the other “attractions” of Mostar. One important one is you can see a lot of the damage from the war, some buildings looking like the war ended yesterday. The war here was even crazier: the Bosnians and Croats worked together to fight off the Serbs, but once that was done, they turned on each other. Later on they made up, and once more teamed up... its so bizarre.

I should point out that the Mostar bridge itself was bombed, by the Croats at the time I believe. It was amongst several nasty things they did in the same era. It has been rebuilt however, thankfully in the original stylings.

There is also the typical foody and shopping districts, with streets once more lined with cobblestones. The were mainly closed however, as it was the end of Ramadan – which means several days of public holiday. Take note Australia.

Another tourist attraction, is the little known Mostar rollercoaster. Its called the “Mostar Monster”, and it darts in and out amongst the bombed out buildings. Very little is known about it however, and you probably won't read about it in Lonely Planet. You'd need to ask Ethan for the details...

At the end of our Mostar trip, we went back to our accomodation in Sarajevo. I can't remember if I whinged about it before or not? Anyway, our B & B like accomodation had noticeably improved, as our hosts now seemed in much better moods – perhaps they were just hungry. They even cooked us up some burek and baklava style sweets.

As for photos, I'm going to attempt super mega size mode. Lets just say I hope you like river and bridge shots.

Chapter 17: Sarajevo

“War. War never changes.”

That thought and more popped into my head when we first arrived in Sarajevo. You can see the buildings are absolutely peppered with bullet holes (or worse). You can only imagine what life must have been like living here during those years... even simple tasks, like going down the street to pick up some water, could end with you being shot.

It also reminds you of just how nasty humans can be to one another. Take the Serb snipers for example. They would shoot people in the legs, to attract Bosnians to try and aid them. They would then cop a bullet in the head.

I found it kind of strange what they bombed though. The Serbs surrounded Sarajevo and laid siege basically. Mortar fire all over the place – but seemingly at completely random targets. They didn't take out the Sarajevo TV station or printing press; but there were big blasts in the middle of an empty street?

The destruction though I was prepared for. What I didn't expect was some of the reconsctruction (and renovation of existing buildings) that make up a fairly bustling cafe/shopping/typical European bludging district. I mean, the place on the whole does have a long way to go. But if you think Sarajevo is pretty much one big pile of rubble, you'd be pleasantly surprised.

Sadly, probably the first place since Budapest (grr) that I've felt I need to keep an eye on my stuff. We had a local tour guide show us around town, and as he was standing there talking to us a number of kids came along begging for money. They certainly weren't shy about it either.

Had great chevapi for dinner first night – which is apparently a Sarajevo speciality. You can buy chevapi everywhere over here, but the Bosnians have their own secret eleven herbs and spices. Second night was even better, at a little restaurant tucked away on a side street. Had veal wrapped in smoked ham and cheese, with yogurty spicey stuff.

I should also mention our first little foray into Bosnia. We did all the passports inspections leaving Serbia, then again 2 mins later entering Bosnia. That was all fine. I was enjoying the Bosnian countryside – lots of mountains and rivers and things. Then the bus driver pulls over – but only TO DO UP THE WHEEL. That's scary enough, considering we are winding through mountains. He then pulls over a second time, and we hear him clunking around underneath, doing god knows what.

Anyway, we hear this almighty grinding noise – which is shortly followed by our third stop. The bus driver takes a look, then comes back inside and tells us we need to change buses. Ahhh, the Balkans! How I miss stuff that JUST WORKS.

Also, tomato sauce. Ajvar is good, but just not the same.

Chapter 16 - Belgrade

I noticed the difference between here and Novi Sad fairly quickly. Belgrade seems a bit more run down, but also has its own character. Of the actual town, its split into two parts – the old and new. Not a lot in the new, the old part seems to be where most of the touristy action is.

I didn't really mind Belgrade, but I've seen it... and don't have any massive desire to go back. I felt like I had seen all I needed to see.

We stayed in this student accommodation, about 15 mins out of town. Wasn't anything flash, but there were pretty young things all over the place, and cheap food/grog nearby. One of the shops there, I think would make for a good franchise in Australia. Its like a butcher, you go in and select your meat out of the 1000's of choices. I chose chevapi wrapped in prosciutto looking stuff (when too much meat is never enough). They even had an entire pig on a spit, slowly being smoked.

Once you've selected the meat, they cook it up for you and pop it on some Turkish bread. You then just choose whatever salads and sauces you want. All up it cost us prob less than $2.

Had lunch on the Danube again, this time with Sandra. We were walking around Zemun, the old town. Came back that evening and we bought several 2L bottles of beer from the supermarket, which were also less than $2 AUD each! Have to get rid of those dinars somehow.

We then all crammed into one room, and had a bit of a patio party. Bunch of us, sitting around on makeshift furniture, drinking cheap booze... sounds like students alright.

Chapter 15: Novi Sad

Novi Sad was nice. It kind of reminded me of Ohrid, as it had that European thing going where everyone goes out to the main part of town until late. Some shops were even 24 hour, and not just dodgy 711 ones, but actual retail stores etc.

Felt like roughly the same size as Wollongong, but that might be total crap. Wollongong also has significantly less fortresses. And what a big arse fortress it was, if you include all the tunnels and what not.

I certainly enjoyed it way more than Budapest. You felt safe in Novi Sad, even the little old ladies roamed the streets late at night. I also didn't have any more dodgy women coming up to me and asking for sex – which I don't know whether I should be offended by or not.

On that note, sorry Poland, but the Serbian girls now hold the crown. You can't go 10 metres without seeing a girl who makes Ana Ivanovic look plain. At night its even worse, there is nowhere safe to look. According to my book, Novi Sad is famous for their beautiful women - along with the relaxed atmosphere, good food and good drink. I'd agree with all of those points.

Serbs have also been very kind and friendly to us, with a few that seem genuinely happy to hear you are from Australia – and that you've come all this way to see them. They have also been very keen to test out their English on us. I've been giving them my best Croatian, which seems to pass so far.

It did backfire on me however when I asked for 4 bus tickets – all I wanted to do was hand over the cash, but then she started talking to me about something. She assumed I spoke Serbian and seemed a bit surprised when I had to tell her I didn't understand!

I've also been giving the troops a bit of guidance and lessons, so they can say the basic stuff. In every country, we try to do “please/thank you” and “hello/goodbye” at the absolute minimum. By the time we get to Croatia, hopefully they will stop asking me :)

I should also mention we parted ways with some of our group, and picked up some newbies. Its a little bit like Big Brother... you are sad to see people go that you've known for 2 weeks, but the whole group dynamic changes with some new blood. We now have:

Ethan – American. Nice guy, not loudmouth. Well educated, works in Washington DC
Sandra – Canadian. Very laid back, happy soul. Good for a laugh, and loves her beer. And yes, she says “aboot” and “aye” a lot
Melinda – Australian. Works for the police waaaay up north in Arrakun (not sure of spelling)
Mark and Rebecca – Australian couple, both nice. Rebecca also worked in Wollongong for a bit, at the AHM opposite good ol' Rappongi. Ahhh... sushi.
Bill – English. Lives in London, and is well travelled, so good source of geographical info

The original housemates; me, Vanessa and Sew (Australian mother and daughter team) and Jenny (Kiwi) are in for the long haul.

Chapter 14 - Budapest

Things that annoy me about Budapest:

1. Its dirty and run down

2. It smells

3. Graffiti everywhere, including the touristy spots

4. You can't shake the feeling that everyone is trying to rob or scam you. This is mainly because everyone is trying to rob or scam you

5. Baths were a ripoff, somewhat unhygenic and completely full of people

6. Lots of beggars, homeless and dodgy gypsy types

7. Chain Bridge didn't look like it even contained chain

8. People in hospitality industry don't want to serve you. Or they will serve you, and then try and scam you (see point 4)

9. Main attraction I came to see – the castle – which is meant to be free, wouldn't let us in without an overpriced ticket (due to wine tasting festival)

10. Which brings me to point 10: Everything is way overpriced. Beers are 3-4 times as much as Czech Republic for example (for the exact same beer). Forints are also a ridiculous form of Monopoly money currency

11. I'm spending 3 days here

Things I liked about Budapest:

1. Gypsy restaurant, where the band played traditional songs (also Waltzing Matilda)

2. Opera House. Was very impressive, just like the fancy ones you see on TV. Went and saw the ballet (yes, you read that correctly) of "A Midsummer Nights Dream"

3. Can't think of a third one

(Gayle - not sure which museum you went to? I went to the "House of Terror" spy museum thingo, but certainly no amusing videos there. Was all very freaky!)

Chapter 12 – Tatra mountains

We left Krakow around lunch time, and after a few little bus transfers we'd made our way back into Slovakia. Even stayed at the “Hotel Slovakia”, even though we weren't really meant to (our hotel was overbooked somehow). No biggy, it was right next door and had everything we needed. Including more free wifi.

Oh yeah - it also had a cute cocker spaniel puppy dog.

"Can I pat him?" I asked, and made the patting motion.

The lady shook her head and replied "Ne ne ne!"

He was in the area beyond the little red rope! I snuck in there late at night though, when there was a change of the guard. The old man was fully engrossed in the soccer anyway (Slovakia vs Ireland) so he didn't even know I was there.

Next day we were off to do some hiking. Its a good thing my IT lifestyle keeps me in such superb physical shape. Its the funny thing about hiking, the amount of effort you have to put in really sucks – but the payoff at the end makes it all worth while. Tatras was no exception.

The walk up was pretty rough, if you imagine a cobblestone path on steroids you'd probably be in the right ball park. Lots of rocks, which for the most part were a decent size and didn't move. Once we had reached our destination (big hut at the middle of the mountain) we had the option of going further up via chair lift, or back down in cable car.

A few of us went up, and walked along the ridge there. Very speccy views, in particular on the other side of the mountain. Few little death drops on the way, with one amusing sign posted telling you to “STOP” before you walked right off the edge of the cliff.

That was my hiking done, and most of us headed back down the mountain. Even the die hard mountaineers didn't do much more though, as it was just that little bit too rugged.

Quick nanna nap, then it was dinner time. Tried a pizza with broccoli just for something different. Oh, that reminds me. Jess – the hotel served up hotdogs for breakfast! It would have been rude of me not to eat them.

Strangely, didn''t sleep well. In fact none of us did, particularly Ness who's been a bit “blergh”. Had a 5:30 start to get the train to Budapest, so kind of surprised I'm still awake.

Hopefully, should be arriving there soon!

Chapter 11: Krakow

I'm actually sitting on a train on the way to Budapest as I write this, as I've been a bit slack with keeping track of what I've been doing. Got some time to kill, so I'll bring you up to speed as fast as possible!

I enjoyed Krakow. It was a bit like Prague, just with less people. Well, less tourists anyway. Castles and churches are still the order of the day, which is fine. I quite like them.

We spent a few hours down in the Krakow salt mines, which I think was roughly 150m underground at its lowest point. Was really interesting to see the sculptures and artworks that they had made entirely out of salt... they even had salt chandeliers! None of the photos turned out particularly well though. I guess salt isn't so photogenic.

Stopped off for some lunch, then went with Ness and Sew to the castle grounds. With the blue sky in the background, 'twas rather awesome. Took a few more happy snaps down in the town square, which I think Tadas said was the biggest in Europe? Was something like 200m squared. They also had an “Alessi festival” that was underway, with celebrations due to kick off that evening. Lots of news crews and things were there, but thankfully didn't get in the way.

Did a quick pit stop in the Krakow “galleria”, which I'm sure the girls loved. Was a massive mall, but I was more interested in the free wifi. Actually, pretty much everywhere has free wifi... I haven't paid for any internet access yet.

I also was given a task by Cheska, which I graciously accepted. She wanted to know who was better looking – the Czech girls or the Polish ones. Sorry Shrek, Polish ones win! They were pretty stunning. However, Tadas says the Hungarian ones are his favourite, so we shall see.

That was about it for Krakow, now I have to remember what I did in the Tatra mountains...

Chapter 10: Auschwitz and Krakow

Won't be writing much, as to be honest I found it to be a really emotionally draining day. Auschwitz is one of those things you hear about, or see pictures of, but its only once you get there that it starts to feel “real”.

I found it especially hard as I went through with Aviva (Jewish) and Cheska (Polish background), who were both very apprehensive about even walking in there. Our tour guide, Szymon, was also Polish and had family members there. Its bad enough to go through and see the photos and read the plaques, but it was his personal stories that really effected me. Every room in the museum felt like another punch in the stomach. Its just one after another, with nowhere to go to escape it.

As depressing as it was though, I am glad I went. I can see the importance of it being there. As for Krakow, I'll have more to report tomorrow. We spent the evening having dinner in the Jewish quarter, while listening to some of their traditional music.

“People always ask me - 'where was God during the war?'. No. Forget about that. The real question is; where were the Allies?”

- Szymon (tour guide)

Chapter 9: Teplice nad Metuji

Today we did a hike around the “Rock Labyrinth” in Teplice (doesn't rhyme with fleece - more Teh-pleet-sah) which is kind of in the Czech mountains. Was pretty impressive stuff. Personally, I found it nice to be out of the city for a bit too.

Train ride out was interesting. There was only one carriage going where we were going – and for a while there it didn't look like us and the locals would fit. On the subject of the locals, we've had some strange ones. Apparently even though our tour group makes treks here every other week – she won't accept Tadas' list and wanted to see our passports.

Update: This actually got worse the next morning. It involved Tadas being physically and verbally abused! I think its safe to say that Intrepid tours won't be back there,

Another example was when we went out for dinner. We walked into one (of the only two) restaurants in town, and we were told they were closed. Even though there was people in there eating – and this was at about 6pm. Tadas said he'd had trouble with them before, as the only wanted to serve locals, not “outsiders”. How bizarre.

Aviva was pretty cheesed off, and she was ready to go in and cause a scene. We talked her out of the international incident though, and went to other restaurant. Woman there was really nice to us, despite having next to no English, and she got a big tip because we all wanted to ditch our coins.

Had freshly smoked pork and some bratwurst, which tasted fabbo. Oh, and Steve G – I said I'd get back to the cheap beer thing. You'd love it. 1 Aussie dollar = about 15 Czech krowns, and the 0.5L beers are all around 20 krowns. Cheaper than water in some places!

The actual hike was really cool, its a pity the photos won't really capture it. I knew that when I was taking them. Sadly, it also can't give you the sounds or smells. Not even the cool breezes as you squeeze through the gorge.

There was one part where we had to climb 20 billion steps to reach a lookout, and following Tadas' lead, Vanessa and I hopped out beyond the railings. It was a hell of a long drop down, but the view made it all worth while I thought.

Tomorrow its off to see Auschwitz; then on to Krakow, Poland.

Chapter 8: Prague – Central Europe

First day in Prague was kind of a nothing day. The bus from Cesky Krumlov took about 3 hours, and we got to watch a dodgy Czech movie (with subtitles). The bus also had wifi, which I thought was cool. When we finally arrived the weather was overcast and crap. Dropped our gear off, and did a whirlwind tour of the main parts of town – before it started to piss down with rain.

Went out to dinner with the gang, and then later on to a jazz club. The band playing had a singer called Alice Springs, so we figured that was a sign. They also apparently get played on Czech radio. Vanessa, Cheska and I forked out the $15 to watch them play. It was down in the basement, in what I can only describe as a “renovated dungeon”. Perfect for jazz. Audience is kept small, and it sounded great. We stayed there until the witching hour, and made our way home.

On the way home there was an incident. Really bizarre. They have these pub crawl tours here, and there was a group of about 20 girls who I think had taken part. About 3 or 4 middle age Englishmen walked through the crowd of girls, and they all started taking their tops off and cheering. The English guys (being very British) looked all embarrassed and hurried on their way.

“I'll buy you a drink later,” one of Englishmen says.

“But how will you recognise us with our clothes on??” replies drunken woman. What's even more embarassing is, I think they were Aussies.

Second day involved a walk around the city, and a trip to the castle. Way too many tourists for my liking. There was also a few weddings on, which didn't help. That kind of sets me off on a rant too... central Prague has gone tourist crazy. Not only is it crowded, but they have souvenir shops every 5m. Selling the same crap! Just about every restaurant and shop has a spruiker – which I was starting to get sick of.

Anywho. Spent the afternoon doing a free city tour – which you can tip the guide for if you enjoy it. We really got lucky with our guide, whose name was Isaac (but he had a Paula name tag). He's the only one who turns it into a comedy act. It really was like being shown around the city by Arj Barker. Highly entertaining, and also quite good at interpreting historical events. I don't know how he kept it up for 3 hours. Some random parts make me laugh even now. We were all walking past this McDonalds, and Isaac starts loudly humming the Maccas tune: “Budd-up bup dah dah... COLON CANCER!!”

The looks on the faces of people eating was pure gold.

That night we went out to the Black Light Theatre. You know when they have everything kind of dark, and people in black suits wave around props and things in the UV light? No? Well, thats what it is. Was meant to be a Czech retelling of Alice in Wonderland, but it was pretty trippy. I was beginning to think someone had spiked my drink beforehand. I really couldn't follow what the hell was going on. Technically, it was interesting. I don't think I enjoyed it as much as the girls though.

As I write this, its now my third day in Prague. Its kind of our “downtime” day, as we remember we are on holiday and should relax a bit. After walking around on the cobble stone streets, and lugging back packs and things around, I decided to go for a massage. I went to the closest place I could find, which was this bright and cheerful Thai place.

I really just wanted my neck and shoulders done, but I think something got lost in the translation. Before I knew it, I had this little Asian women kneeing me in the back, and stepping all over me. I could have gotten that at home for free. She really went for it though, and I could feel the air being smooshed out of my lungs.

It was at this point though, that things started to get a little weird. She basically gave me a wedgie, and started working on my legs and toes. I went along with that (after the initial shock it was fine) and then the next stage involved turning me into some kind of contortionist. Bits were clicking and clacking all over the place. Not really what I was expecting, but what the hell. It felt good. Either that or I was just glad the torture was over with.

I also found out the “all you can eat” sushi was last night, which nearly made me want to commit seppaku. Instead I went for lunch, at a place that I thought was going to be cheap and nasty. As it turns out, was neither. Was easily the best sushi I've ever had – and you get what you pay for!

Spent the arvo listening to classical music inside St Nicolas church, which was both good and bad. I liked the music, but you couldn't see the performers. It was also performed by violin (good) and organ (bad).

Tonight, I've been to see Don Giovanni, as performed by some classic Czech puppetry. Was also good and bad. Amusing – but bit slow in parts. Still, I could follow the plot more so than Alice!

PS: Shrek – my room was literally around the corner from Kolkovne (I think that was the spelling). Was always packed though, so didn't go in. Had the duck however... yummo!

Chapter 7: Češky Krumlov – the fairy tale town

Fairy tale sure is the way of describing it. I don't know if the photos will do it justice – but do they ever?

We checked into our hotel, which is this really old, rustic kind of place. But in the good way, its not a craphole. Not that I believe in any of that stuff - but I do kinda wish Tadas had told me beforehand that my room was haunted (the room itself is called “Agnes”). He says not to worry though, because she is a helpful ghost. Well, thats something.

Started the day with a bike ride through the Czech countryside. It was mainly downhill, and not that taxing. Beautiful scenery though. We then did a walk thru of the town, and we picked up a lone Aussie traveler named Sean. He's travelling from July until March – another victim of World Economic Crisis.

Stopped off at a bar because Aviva wanted to try absinth. Apparently this is one of the few places where they still sell it with wormwood, and apparently has crazy hallucenigenic properties. I had two shots, which works out at about 4 shots by Aussie standards. Tadas tells me if I start seeing a white lady, thats a side effect. I asked him how will I know the difference between that and if I see Agnes' ghost? Hmmm.

Had a pheasant feast for dinner, and then a bit more drinking with the guys.

Next day was a “float trip”, which basically means you get in a white water raft and cruise the river around town, and down through the countryside. Took a few hours, and was quite relaxing.

When we got back to town, Vanessa and I went thru the castle tour. No photos allowed, so you'll have to come and look for yourself if you want to see. And believe me, you want to see. Was also interesting to hear a bit about the history, and more stories of hauntings and what not.

Went off to the the puppet theatre by myself (they freak Vanessa out) as the Czechs are quite proud of their history with marionettes. I got a little freaked myself... seeing devil puppets, monster puppets, puppets stabbing other puppets... One thing that was cool about it was the building itself. It was quite old, and to get to the second floor of the museum you had to squeeze in through this little door and get up into the attic.

Stopped off at a choccie shop on the way back to hotel, and it had every kind known to man. Favourite was this one which hard hard white chocolate shell, but on the inside it was like gooey melted normal chocolate.

We went to a vegetarian place for din dins, and I had a spicy bean burrito thingo with some yoghurt. Probably one time in my life where I'm not going to complain about missing the meat. It was also back down by the river, in another really old building, so that was pretty sweet.

Tomorrow, its off to Prague. Looking forward to trying the duck, fried cheese and more cheap beer! :)

Chapter 6: Bratislava (its not so bad after all)

After Tadas had given a bit of a bashing, we were all a bit curious about what to expect. Personally, once you got into the old town, I was pleasantly surprised. The castle was a little bit of a let down for me – only because a) you couldn't get in it and b) the are restoring it, but not the same as it used to be.

Still, its a big honking castle. Not something I see every day. Tadas tells us they have an expression over here, “AFC”. The A stands for Another, and the C is for Castle. You can work out the rest.

Anyway, it was a nice little day trip.

Got the train back to Vienna that afternoon (only about an hour away) and the gang had a meander thru the markets there. Would be good to be able to buy some of the breads, meats or cheeses, but yeah... kinda can't (unless you plan on scarfing them down straight away)

We all had one more delicious (but positively fattening) dinner. Mine was turkey stuffed with ham and cheese – on a bed of gnocchi like stuff. Hello.

Tomorrow – Shrek country!

Chapter 5 - Austria (home of the Aussies)

Met up with the group, which all seems very nice (at least to start with). There are 7 of us, and 5 of them are Aussies. The other 2 are Kiwis! I'm also the only guy (sadly, was not placed with the Swedish bikini team).

I've found a replacement for both Jess and Jane; Vanessa is a 24 year old with Malaysian background - and she has a brother named Andrew. We'll no doubt be making Asian jokes at some point. She also sounds EXACTLY like Catherine. Its a little freaky!

Our leader is named Tadas. I've already run through jokes in my mind about his name... how it sounds like he is finishing a magic trick, or perhaps just doesn't like spending money. He's Lithuanian background, but didn't exactly sell it to me as a tourist destination.

At Tadas' suggestion, group went to a place called “Centimeter” for dinner. Its called that because you can order sausages etc, and you pay per centimetre. They do a 1m spaghetti (thats the size of the bowl) and even sell a 2m long bratwurst sausage... what the hell?

Weather here has been mental. 30 odd degrees, then it rains (which I was pretty happy about) and now its cold. Damn you climate change!

I don't think I could ever be able to learn Arnie-speak. Not because its hard, but just because stuff seems so funny to say. Lot more geared for tourists than Macedonia though. Its all very easy to navigate your way around, even if English doesn't appear everywhere. If ein dumkoff like me can do it, anyone can.

More tomorrow after exploring tourist spots.

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Chapter 5.2 – Vienna is made of win and awesome

Wow, don't really know where to begin here. Colour me impressed. If my camera could talk, it would be reporting me for abuse. If you any kind of interest in arty farty and/or architecural stuff, you need to get over here. Now.

I really like the old school gothic look of the place, and everything is just so damn big. The buildings, the food, the expenses... I hate having to pay 50 euro cents in toilet tax! I even tried to sneak into one place, but theres just no escaping it. Least they don't trap you in there I suppose.

Was good going through all the major stuff with Tadas though, as he had the stories behind it all. Like learning about Franz Josef (longest running man in charge) and his actress mistress... but more interestingly his wife Elizabeth. She lived like a rock star. She had no teeth cause she ate nothing but lollies, and kept her weight under control by her cocain addiction. Nice.

For Franz's efforts, all he got was a pissy little statue. Elizabeth however, is the peoples favourite.

Saw the church at Schwedenplatz, which was enormous and very impressive. Someone like Nay could spend hours there taking shots of all the little details (like little gargoyle looking things, or maybe angel statues way up high). It was interesting to compare it to the Baroque church down the road, which was a bit more... um... light hearted.

The girls went absolutley ape shit when we came across a certain set of shops. One after the other, they were all there. Chanel. Gucci. Tiffanys. Dolce and Gabana. Wankers R Us. The list just went on and on.

Also saw the site of Hitler's big speech. Was odd to think about what was going on there all those years ago. Other sites like Parliament, Opera house and the museums were all equally good. In fact pretty much wherever you go, and wherever you look – something is going to make love to your eyeballs.

Kicked back a little and relaxed at Karlsplatz, and also had a quick ride on the “giant ferris wheel” as is its translation. Nice to be up high, but its too far out of town.

Saw monuments to people like Strauss, Schubert and Schindler at one of the many parks here. Was noice, was unusual. Lots of other buildings and statues as well, but I'll just bore you with the photos. Its like 21^st century slide night!

Spent tonight at the Rathaus, which has the ridiculously big screen out the front – normally used for open air films. Tonight, was being used for a Tchaikovsky opera. Just behind that, they had food stalls from about every country there is (including Australia). Waaay too many people for my liking though. I went to a pizza place down the street!

Back at the hotel now, and I can hear yet more music – its always being played somewhere here. It sounds like someone playing violin is having a jam session with someone on piano. You'd think it was a CD being played, if it wasn't for the occasional stuff up.

I'll be off to Maccas tomorrow to post this. Its about 50m away, and has free wifi. Hotel wants to charge 5 euros an hour. You do the math!

I went nuts with the photos, so its in three parts:

Chapter 4 – Goodbye Macedonia, Hello Austria

Haven't really bothered to write anything lately. Been too lazy, or too tired from the Macedonian way of life! It takes a bit of getting used to. Heres a typical day's breakdown: Sleep in until noon, then do breakfast. Relax a bit, see some sites, relax some more. Have dinner, approx 9pm. Go out around 11pm. Come home about 3 am. Start again.

One day, I had two breakfasts. One at 4am, and another at 4pm!

Let me think of some highlights... oh, heres one. I managed to lock myself in a toilet, and couldn't get out! Had visions of spending the rest of my holiday inside a WC. I had to use my dodgy Croatian (I kind of invented my own language, lets call it "Craptation") to get help out of there.

What else? I met a kind of former flame of Pete's, a nice Macedonian girl called Irena (Ee-renner, not Eye-ree-nah). We all agreed she is absolutely perfect for him. She's completely the girl next door type. Smart, funny, bilingual and easy on the eye (actually that description also fits Dorotea – maybe its a Balkan thing!). She also kicked his arse at his beloved backgammon, trash taIking all the way. I told him he needs to buy her a plane ticket to Australia. The guys and I even offered to chip in to get her there.

Pete once again got to play the Australian card, and snuck me into this warm up show for the Macedonian equivalent of, say, Pink. We were only allowed in for a minute or so, and no photos allowed (or we'd be set upon by roadies). I did get a shot of these guys pulling up in a purple Cadillac looking thing. Then they got out, and were clearly VIP singers or something. Think the photo was a bit frowned upon, but oh well. I didn't know who they were supposed to be!

Met one of Vladko's friends, called Vladimir. Once he realised I was from out of town, he broke out the beer: “Australie? Come on in, mayte!” He was also asking me about some Aussie movie from the 80's that I had never heard of – Sharks Paradise I think it was? He said he had it on VHS as a kid, and watched it all the time, but can't find it as an adult. Anywho, we all went out for my last night in Macedonia (and Vladimir had women all over him).

Got a taxi ride to the airport from Drage (a Spaseski family friend), which was also part guided tour. He hadn't used his English for 4 years, so he was kind of excited to be practicing it. He also kept stopping to buy me stuff, like grapes and peaches (“They are best in Macedonia. I buy for you!”). Not a big fruit person, but they didn't suck.

We drove on through the mountains with traditional music in the background, which seemed kind of appropriate.

Flight out of Skopje wasn't great. Was too hot and air con didn't work, and I am getting sick of seeing the crappy Austrian Airlines safety video..... BOING! (You had to be there)

Sat next to a girl who I assumed was Macedonian, but when she started talking, she clearly had an Aussie accent. Least I wasn't the only one!

I stayed at the “All You Need Hotel” in Vienna. Apparently, you don't “need” air con in 30 degree heat. Nor do you “need” an internet connection that works, or even a bathroom sink that you can pull the plug out of. Meh. It was cheap. You get what you pay for I suppose.

Something big happened downtown last night. I was walking back from a sushi place (very traditional cuisine) and the entire Austrian police force pulled up outside this club. Streets were blocked, and ambulances were coming from every direction. Somehow, I'd timed it perfectly to be in the middle of a raid or something. I took my little bento box and kept walking! (I also said thank you to the bento lady in Macedonian... doh!)

Made my way via public transport (without buying a ticket for the underground, don't tell anyone) to Hotel Mozart, which I struggled to locate. I then turn around and see a massive sign staring me in the face, as is always the way. I'm currently killing some time before I meet up with the tour group in a few hours.

Because you kiddies have been good, I've got two lots of piccies for you this time. The first was from our boat ride to the old part of town in Ohrid, and various churches that looked speccy. The second was my last day in Macedonia. It also features Chipsy! They had advertisements everywhere... so I had to try them.

Chapter 3 - The Bay of the Bones

Sounds scary, yeah?

Its actually a recreation of an old village, which would have been alive and well somewhere between 700 and 1200 BC. The village has been reconstructed from stuff they dug up in the lake, and then erected on top of the water (which I suppose is kind of fitting).

Behind the "Museum on Water" is another bit of history that has been recreated/restored. Its an old Roman fortress, which if I have this right, was called Gradiste (or possibly that was the town). Certainly gives you an insight into what life was like back then. You know, without Xbox.

Its pretty impressive to think they have done it all by hand, without the aid of machinery. I for one would be sick of carting rocks around. Which reminds me - Dad, I took that photo of the Ohrid streets to prove not all the cobblestones are that bad!

After the trip back in time, we made our way down to another one of the beaches for a little bit more R & R. No photos of here though, as I kept the camera locked up in the car. Just as well, as there was nowhere safe to look! Everyone is also crazily tanned. I don't consider myself "pale", but I felt like an albino in comparison.

Water was just the right temp, not too hot, not too cold. Lots of little fishies swimming all around you, but strangely you never seem to make contact with them (or if you do, you don't feel it). The water is so clear you can see some of the not-so-small fishies making their way along the bottom.

Rest of the day basically involved taking a break from our relaxing, so we could rest. Its hard work.

I'm still very lost and confused with the cyrillic alphabet. Its a little strange picking up a paper and not being able to read it. You feel a bit illiterate having to look at the pictures to work out whats happening. About the only word I do recognise is Ckonje (Skopje).

I thought I was being clever at one point, as I thought I had worked out the Macedonian word for "restaurant". I asked Petar what a "pektopah" was, but he'd never heard of it. This was bizarre because I saw signs everywhere. Next time I saw one saying pektopah, I pointed it out. It was restaurant, but it was written in cyrillic.

I asked him what the Macedonian word for restaurant is then.

"Restoran," he says.

Doh.

Chapter 2 – St Naum, jazz, and the art of relaxing

After a good sleep in, I think my body has adjusted to Macedonian time. Eventually got up and had some breakfast. Jess, I know you bag me for having strange breakfasts – but you would be in your element here. Imagine eating different kinds of cheese and devon for brekky!

First stop was to check out some of Ohrid's “beaches”. Not exactly like beaches as we know it. Think more of a resort built right onto the water, where you can go and have a drink, sunbake etc. Very laid back. Petar reckons we came at the right time, as the crowds weren't there but the weather was still good. He was saying in the busy times you can queue up for hours for a spot!

Then made our way down towards the Albanian border, to see the monastery of St Naum. Interesting place. Kind of has two parts, the lower touristy/cafe area (where I ate about 2 kilos of meat) and the monastery itself.

Saw the statue of St Naum, that was carved out of a tree with a chainsaw. They had pictures documenting how this was done, and amazingly the majority was done in a day. The monastery had this awesome old walkway, which was very good for someone with better photographic skills than me.

Speaking of which, theres no pics of the main chapel, as it was a big no no. There was also no talking. I tried to imagine what it must have been like to live there. Very different life indeed. It was clearly a sacred ground held in very high regard, and everyone treated it as such. Petar even sat down and had a moment of quiet reflection and prayer. He came out feeling revitalised, but that could have been my god like influence.

Spent a bit more time in downtown Ohrid, basically hopping between different cafes. Petar tells me I have to learn how to bludge like a Macedonian. I'm more than happy to work on that.

That night, we went to a jazz club with a friend of Petar's named Gorjan (like Goran, but with a Y thrown in). He spoke English reasonably well, and was kind of amazed at my attempts at Croatian. He did say I sound like a pom though. Thats OK, as they like that accent – unlike the American one. Must be universal.

Jazz club was very cool. Petar also knew the owner, so we had a table reserved and some free drinks. The band wasn't too bad. They were actually French, kind of like a fairly mellow SKA punk sound. They sung in Francois, but their chit chat was in English. Highlight was a cover of a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song, mostly because I could actually sing along.

That finished up around 2am I think... and Gorjan was meant to be starting work at 8!

Chapter 1 - Arrival

I think Saturday will go down in history as the longest day of my life. Its funny to think that so much sitting around doing nothing will take it out of you.

Thai Airways was fine. A lot like China Air (insert racist “all the same” joke here). I was treated like a king by an assortment of "caramel princesses". Me rikey. (Dad – note speech marks. I found a way around it!) Had the row all to myself, so I created my own makeshift bed. Was also first on the plane, first to be served etc.

The next 10 hours to Vienna though, I was packed in like sardines. The screaming baby (well small child) just was the icing on the cake. "I don't want to be here anymore... WAAAH... WHY CAN'T I GO OUTSIDE?? WAAAAAH!". Personally, I was more than happy to put them outside.

(Gayle, you were right about the aisle seats. I kind of felt guilty waking up Mr and Mrs Austrian Old Couple in the “wee” hours of the morning!)

On the plus side, the Austrian flight attendants were all ridiculously good looking. They did all seem fairly serious though, and I suspect if you did anything wrong, they would make you pay.

Dogs at the airport freaked me out a little. Not the sniffer ones, I mean pets. While I was waiting, a lady sat down next to me with a dog in a little carry bag. It was kind of an awwww moment (do the noise Jess!) but then the dog turned around - and he was butt ugly.

Spent a few hours waiting in Vienna. Luckily there was a Starbucks which had nice comfy chairs!

Tips for Dorotea:

• Beef looked like safest option

• Ask where to go when you get to Bangkok! Apparently gate numbers are a secret

• Not much activity on the swine flu front, you'll be fine

• Somehow I got stuck in a computer menu when trying to play games. There's no Mahjong, so don't bother :)

Arrived in Skopje without any dramas, and it was vrlo vruche (very hot). On the way out of the airport, the boom gate broke down... and we were stuck there in the Skoda without any air conditioning. "Welcome to the Balkans!" says Petar.

Petar's friend Amelia (who lives in Skopje) was on hand to act as our tour guide through he city. As she explained, it was hit by an earthquake some time ago, and really hasn't recovered. She said even the Macedonians don't like it, so don't worry!

We made our way through the mountains, and had some hair raising moments on the Macedonian roads. Apparently, many road rules are optional. Unfortunately, it doesn't always pan out so well. On our way to Ohrid, we came upon two nasty accidents - one of which made the news, as it had several fatalities.

Finally arrived in Ohrid, and as I said to Petar, it was like we'd gone into another country. So very different, its bizarre. We checked in to Chateau de Spaseski, and made our way into downtown Ohrid to see some of the nightlife.

Lots of shopping, and night markets and things. Everyone is trying to flog off their wares, but they all have their own stalls and are not in your face. Stopped off at a trendy bar right down near the water. It was at about this point that I was ready to collapse. Headed home, and got in some proper sleep!